


Before Rock Paper Scissors

by Sylandrophol



Category: The 72nd Realm
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2000-10-02
Updated: 2000-10-02
Packaged: 2020-02-27 06:17:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylandrophol/pseuds/Sylandrophol
Summary: An absurdist recounting of historical events from stange newscast telegrams broadcasted in shadowy corners of the 72nd Realm, transcribed by a disaster femme nonbinary indiviual formally known by their online handle "Sylandrophol".





	Before Rock Paper Scissors

A long time ago, before you and, me--a powerful being known as Zordon of Eltar chose five valiant knights to protect the 72nd Realm, a realm where reality isn't all what it's cracked up to be (not to mention anything could happen at any given moment), from evils not of the realm, nor this universal plane. 

The six valiant knights were chosen and plucked from their home universes and times, and agreed that once they were knighted, there was no going back. Said knights were the creme of the crop in their retrospective universes, they were the best of the best--and the smartest and strongest of their universe. Zordon of Eltar knew he was dying, and that he couldn't be there to see the five valiant knights that he chose reach their full potential. They had set for thousands of cycles, the knights would train and for lack of better word, git gud.

But who *exactly* were the five valiant knights that Zordon chose to protect the chaotic 72nd realm?

The chosen leader of the five valiant knights was an incredibly clever, and cunning human being known as Matthew Patrick, or more commonly known by his YouTube alias "Matpat". Matthew Patrick, or Matpat--was famed for his quick wit, and fast thinking. Zordon liked that. If the knights were to get into any intellectual troubles, Matpat would get a quick theory out and more importantly, get his fellow knights out.

The "Speed Brawler", a term popularly coined by DeviantArt Zombie Apocalypse Team images--was a semi-aquatic being of indeterminate origin formally known as the Man-Shark. The Man-Shark's origins were hypothesized that he was literally willed into existence by some dumbass who smoked too much of that dank stuff, and thought "Hey! Wouldn't it be funny if there was this human--but with the upper portion of the body being the upper half of a shark? And he wears a pair of boxers with himself on it, posing like Macho Man Randy Savage?". Zordon also liked that, but moreso the prospect that something as stupidly ridiculous as the Man-Shark existed. He promptly gave the Man-Shark a free pass.

Zordon also realized that every knight group needs a bard, someone to distract foes either by dancing or singing. And there was someone who was very good at both, albiet very eccentric and doing such--and was also apparently a chaos magician that helped empower aspiring chaos magicians through teleconferences. And that person was an english musician and the lead singer of the english alternative rock band Radiohead. That's right. Thom Yorke is one of the knights chosen by Zardon to protect the 72nd Realm from evil forces.

On the topic of evil forces--or atleast, forces who were formally evil due to outside interference, a Thief showed up. A Thief Of Light, and expert tax evader. A god-tier cobalt-blooded troll from Earth C, Vriska Serket. Zordon also expected that the odds--whenever a threat may occur, will not be in the knights' favor. So, someone who could steal and shift luck in the favor of the five valiant knights which he had hand-picked out.

The team also needed a two-time scout and logistics extrodinare, and who else aces that more than Super-Mecha-Robo-Giga Larry Bird, the MVP of the Boston Celtics 2, a top team in Basketball The Second--the evolved form of Basketball in the year of 2068, where the sport has been raised to become ridiculous levels, and the court has been stretched to become a mile long. The average minimum height of a basketball player has skyrocketed to 17 feet tall. Zordon knew the hazards of the Basketball The Second court--traffic lights scattered across the court which force the players to abide by basic traffic laws and to stop when the lights turn red, Johnny The Hot Dog Vendor, and [REDACTED]. And with Super-Mecha-Robo-Giga Larry Bird's cyborg form, the hazards of Basketball The Second, and other otherwordly invaders that might cross the 72nd Realm.

The five valiant knights also needed a base to operate from, so Zardon lent his pocket dimension base over to the knights--who knew how to keep the albiet small base up and running. For awhile, there was a downtime in the base--but that calm didn't stay for long. But during the meantime, the five knights attended to their own businesses and hobbies. 

Matpat practiced game theoretical physics along with cheesy one liners in his room, as he was sure that he would need them at one point in the future. The Man-Shark pumped steel while reminiscing about his super celebrity status, his multi-million dollar mansion, all 39.5 WWE appearances and championships, and most importantly--his home universe which he had longed for. Thom Yorke wrote songs while praticing chaos magic and lifting weights alongside his newfound chum, the Man-Shark. Vriska spent that time in solitude, wondering how she should evade taxes in the 72nd Realm--but more importantly, wondering just where the fuck Terezi is. Super-Mecha-Robo-Giga Larry Bird spent that time updating the base's systems and electronics (whilst blowing out the power several times in the process, like the absolute buffoon that he is), alongside himself.

While the knights were tending to their business, there was a sudden alarm klaxon in the base that jolted the knights to their duty--there was a evil force that entered the 72nd Realm. This was their first real mission, after thousands of cycles training for an event.

Will they succeed in eliminating the threat in their newfound home?

[TO BE CONTINUED...]


End file.
